No end in sight

Today, bleh, crappy.

Yesterday, bleh, crappy.

Tomorrow? Bleh, probably crappy.

I've not been posting, because I have nothing to say, at all. Things go from bad to worse sometimes, and recently, my end has been moved further and further out of sight.

Ky was supposed to come out in November, which was awesome. Then bad things happened which I still can't discuss. And it got moved to Jan/Feb. Now it's no idea. Whenever. Just stretch that tunnel of waiting out as far as the eye can see. If Ky decides not to come here, it could be years before I see him again, because I don't have enough money to save any on (see below post).

So right now. Bleh, crappy. I want to punch things and scream and cry about how unfair it is. But I understand why he has to stay out there, and everything that's going on. The reason he doesn't want to come in January is because whenever he goes away he coms home and family crises land all on his head and he gets swamped down. And I don't want him to feel like that, or that I'm pressuring him to come out here. But it makes me so mad sometimes. I would be there in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't, and it sucks. And now the little demons in the back of my head make me feel like he doesn't want to see me again, and that I'll never see him again, which is stupid, and extreme, but in some ways I guess not unfounded.

Shit just keeps getting pushed back and pushed back, it's been 6 months since I last hugged him, and I'm going crazy missing him, and right now I don't know when I'm going to see him again. It could be years before I can hold him in my arms once more

Where's my vodka bottle.

Enjoy your night.