rawr

Full credit to Gurl.


So today is depressive day. It happens. I have these days a lot. It's mainly centering on not being able to find a job. At all. In three weeks, I've found one job I am qualified to apply for. One. Fuck my life. Why the hell did I drop out of college, I could be earning a real income right about now. But no, I had to go a get fucked up with my "friends" instead and cost myself a good education. Lesson to the not so wise. Stay in school. You'll regret it if you don't.

Ky, on the other hand. Has a job which he hates. HATES. And I feel for him, I really do. I admire him for sticking a job he hates. But his options seem SO much broader than mine. I did a quick browse earlier today and within five minutes found five other jobs locally for him which he could apply for and likely get. I don't hate him for it, I love him to shreds. I'm just jealous at how many options he has while I struggle to put together one application form. It's such a struggle here right now. I can barely make ends meet, I'm not even sure yet if I'm really going to be able to. But I have to, for my sake, and for the sake of my relationship. I have to make it work.

That's a lotta stress to be putting on a 21 year old with some serious issues. A lotta stress, i tell ya. I dunno wtf I'm doing half the time, some days are better than others obviously. but most days, it's just a constant cycle of bills, payments, debt, out of debt, more bills. It's enough to drive anyone insane.

How the hell am I supposed to be able to survive on 100 pounds every two weeks. It's a ridiculous amount of money, did they not compensate for bills in that? Did they not consider the issues that the every day person might have, that everyone has incredibly different needs? Sure, 100 pounds a fortnight, for anyone over 18 living at home with their mom. It's a perfect amount, leaves you enough to pay a small rent fee to your parents and still get the things you need. I have to pay gas, electric, water, phoneline and internet (yes this is a necessity, I'm in a long distance relationship remember) food for myself, and then try and have some spare cash left over for any travelling I need to do, and to try and make some savings for emergency months. It's practically impossible. Impossible.

Everything's too much today. I don't know what to do right now, I feel like I'm sitting at the bottom of a well with no way out, or spiralling out of control in a whirlpool. Where do I go from here? What can I do to make this better? There's not much I can do that I'm not already doing. Find work. That's my only option. And by FUCK is it hard to find work around here. I'm struggling so badly, crying out for help from any source I can possibly find right now. Alas, there aren't many sources readily available to me, and I missed a damn appointment today that would've helped me no end.

*heaves a great sigh* I just don't know what to do. I wish something would magically appear and make this shit better. But it won't. It never does.

Enjoy your day.